Not as tough as I thought I was...whoah

It's been exactly one week since my last surgery and lemme tell you, that one kicked my tushy!! I'm gonna break this down...

I've got 3 clips in my breast from my first surgery to mark the area the tumor once was. So, I'm doing my pre-op paperwork for my second surgery and was told to be there at 6:30am and surgery would be at 10am. Wow, why am I going so early?? Apparently I had to get some guidewires put in right before surgery to mark the area of my breast that will be removed. It's done under local anesthesia and then I'll head to surgery. Cool. No, not cool AT ALL.

I think I've been pretty tough from the get go, but guidewires broke me down. Holy smokes. I've already expressed how painful mammograms are. It basically feels like the Incredible Hulk is stepping on your boobie for a solid 5 seconds straight, you'd think it couldn't get any worse than that. I sat in a chair in front of the mammogram machine, my breast was in full compression for what I believe to be a good 30 mins. Meanwhile, I just had my first surgery a few weeks earlier and was still tender. The very second that machine clamped down on me, I couldn't control the tears. I couldn't believe I was crying, but I just couldn't stop it no matter what I tried to think about. I sat quietly, but the tears rolled on and this was only the beginning. Once I was stuck in this vice grip, they inserted 2 "fish hooks" (as they described it) into my breast and lined them up with the clips that were inside waiting. They said these wires resemble fish hooks. Once they're in, the ends will hook to the inside of my breast and stay in place. That sounds great in theory, if they get them to line up on the first shot. No such luck. They occasionally stopped and let the mammogram take a picture so they could see if the wires were lined up with the clips the way they should be, made some hook adjustments (ouch), took more pictures, made some hook adjustments (ouch), took more pictures...all the while my poor little A cup was screaming for me to do something! I could NOT control my tears. This was the VERY first time I wanted to get up, walk out, and call it game over. I had enough and for the first time I was angry, but stayed in control of myself. They rolled me into this private little waiting room where my redhead was waiting, and I lost it. I just balled. She coached me through it and I moved forward to surgery. For the record, I NEVER want to do that again.

Surgery took a little longer this time around and it beat me down. Last time I was pretty awake a few hours later, but this time I felt super sick and I slept for 2 days straight - all day and all night. I just felt horrible and had a lot of pain. I got an IV a couple days after surgery for some nausea medicine and rehydration and my juicy veins were nowhere in sight. It took 6 pokes to get the IV in; I think my body was done. Surgery was on Monday and I started feeling more with it by Thursday. Shew!

I tell you what though, I have the best friends and EMS family on the planet. My paramedic/dispatch brothers and sisters held a car wash for me to supplement my disability check, as I just came back from a vacation spree when this started and had ZERO time to take off. I spent the day with them and helped dry cars and not once did any of them complain about the "excessive heat warning" that day. We were fried! Medicwest Ambulance, Mesquite Fire Dept, Clark County Fire Dept, and Las Vegas Fire Dept all came by to contribute. EVERYONE was there! My fellow medic Esteban offered to shave his gorgeous locks if $500 was raised. This was quite intriguing to everyone, as we all make fun of his metrosexuality and for being a little too into his thick, wavy hair. At the end of the day, a whopping $3,600 was raised and I had the pleasure of shaving his head! It was an amazing day and it was truly overwhelming to see the way everyone worked together for one of their own. I'm quite independent and have a hard time accepting anything from others. This was a struggle for me from the start. I was once told that everytime I refuse to let anyone help me, I strip them of any joy that they'd be getting out if it. I've learned to relax and go with the flow and I will forever be grateful.

The next step is a follow-up appointment to assess test results and the effectiveness of my current surgery...ain't nothin' gonna breaka my stride!